Old Yeller Zombie

I know several people with contingency plans for the Zombie Apocalypse. It seems to have developed, for some, into a full scale hobby. Intricate planning is involved in terms of where to make their stronghold, how to survive, but the heavy emphasis seems always to be on how to kill the zombies.

Similarly, there are a lot of video games where your prerogative is to kill a bunch of zombies. There are even Nazi Zombies, so if you had any qualms about killing zombies, you can write it off by saying they were also Nazis. (I suppose the inverse is also true...)

Now, this is all fine and good, but I can't help but consider: if it came down to survival of the fittest, I don't think I'd make the cut. Odds are that despite my best efforts, I'd end up with deteriorating flesh, shuffling around craving brains, and eventually get decapitated by a machete, burned with a flame thrower, or shot to death with a semi-automatic, depending on which weapon the zombie killer that got me had on hand.

I don't want to die a zombie! If somebody kills me I'd at least like a little remorse! Not everyone patting my murderer on the back saying, "good job!"

So maybe I'll get lucky, if the zombie apocalypse happens. Maybe someone will rescue me. Or better- I'll surprise myself with my own abilities. But even if I avoid infection, to have a full-on zombie apocalypse, a large amount of people who used to be regular humans, are going to have to become zombies. So here's a crazy thought:

can't we all just get along?

I know, its not easy being friends with someone who wants to eat your brain. I'm not suggesting a group hug: the zombie would probably go for your head. But it seems like zombies have been labeled as one of the groups that its OK to kill on grounds that they aren't human, and therefore those who kill them are not obligated to feel the normal ethical repercussions associated with murder.

By the way, do you remember that book/movie "Old Yeller"?

I do. I remember it because I cried like a baby when poor Old Yeller got rabies while defending the family, and had to be shot. Now, I am not a medical professional, but rabies seems to have certain similarities to the zombie virus. But the family and the audience feels sorrow for killing Old Yeller. Why not zombies? Its not their fault they've turned into grotesque flesh eaters, its their disease.

When you come down to it, even though they aren't nearly as cute as a yellow labrador retriever, zombies were people too. Therefore I advocate cautious compassion towards them in the event of a zombie apocalypse. I propose the survivors adopt one of two policies:

1. secure enough supplies to wait it out and stay put. Zombies cannot reproduce, so cut your losses and let them die out on their own.

2. if you catch it early enough, secure a zombie containment facility, and let them live on a sort of compound. You could feed them cow brains. I am reasonably certain we have a surplus of them with all the beef consumed globally. (unless that is whats REALLY in hot dogs.)

They may not be cute, they may not be fully conscious, and they may not be amongst the living in the strictest sense. They may be after our brains, and spreading their virus amongst the masses in the quest to quench their insatiable thirst for living flesh. But we must not surrender our humanity in the face of adversity. If we do, we've already lost the war.

And if you really still hate them, you can always shoot the fuckers to your heart's delight on your gaming console of choice.